So anyway I’m messagin this bird who lives in this blocka flats riyte I tell ya where she lives cos it’s importan to the story. So I’m waitin aatside the flats for er to come n open the door. I’m waitin there a few minutes n I’m thinkin you’re takin the piss int ya So I gis er a text tellin er to urry up I’m chappers aat ere. Anyway, this is when it gets funny riyte Er usban comes daan and looks me straight in the eye and I knew it was im coz I recognized im from the family photos. E’s a big ol chavvy and that boys and i ain’t gonna lie yeah you know me I don’t mind a tear up n all that, janartamean But I fuckin bricked it. So I’m gettin ready to get lamped by er fellar but the silly cunt jus olds the fuckin door open n gis me a polite nod. So I’m feelin all smug like I jus dodged a bullet or saink gaan up the stairs with me art angin aat me mauf. Course she’s waitin for me at the door and first thing she wants me to do is get me traasers off, don’t she So we’re makin speedy, messy, knockin everyfin off the table, throwin our clothes across the gaff, and fallin on the bed, kinda luv, riyte So we’re bollock naked abaat to go at it when we ear the front door bein unlocked. So I fuckin dart be-ine the door pray that I don’t av to lamp some cunt. Anyway all I ear is “forgot me belt, can you grab it?” So she decides to look riyte at me wiv the door open and I’m thinkin’ you ab-solutely stupid fuckin cunt don’t just stand there starin at me give im is fuckin belt So I’m givin er the ol ead twitch to the siyde like this talkin with me eyes an all that janaratamean She finally fuckin throws im the belt and this is where it gets funny boys. That stupid fuckin tart yeah. Guess what she’s gone and done She only throws the cunt my bloody belt don’t she.
Nah, fuck off.
Shut up, Jase mush.
Nah seriously boys. Take oaf and all that yeah. So the second I mean literally the fuckin second she throws that two undred quid Gucci im talkin Daghenam market’s finest fuckin buckle, the second she throws that from be-ine the bedroom door that I’m fuckin eyedin be-ine, that very same second i hear a ”this ain’t my belt.” Er face is shot boys yeah I mean shot boys. Shes fucked. This cunt ain’t elplin no one. And you know I can only imagine what he’s thinkin at this point. I ear rushin abaatt, pickin things up, movin shit aat the way, and a “ah I ain’t got fuckin time to fuck about with this. I’ll see you later.” And off the cunt trots. That’s it. I mean owsit possible to dodge a bullet and a train in the same day Janartamean mayte Fuckin mental
Wait. Das it? E jus left?
Jase took a sip of his drink, sighed and paused.
Only forgot his shoes next din e
And Jase was elbowing Steve, howling and slapping his leg.